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Sign up for NSA SETI @ Home Today Recommend a "friend" for Scanning Great Quotes from Our Great President What's on the NSA SETI @ Home's iPod: The Impeachables |
The University of California at Berkeley's SETI@home, a scientific experiment that used Internet-connected computers to download and analyze radio telescope data in the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence (SETI), proved once and for all that no intelligent life exists in the universe. Bad news for them; good news for us! Now the NSA is free to use the name and the idea in its search for evildoers on domestic soil. Join us, and get ready to "Listen in on the Fun!"™ Most Americans agree that they'd be willing to give up nearly all of their personal privacy in order to feel more "safe." Do you want to be left behind with the Doubting Donnies and the Personal-Freedom Peggies? Or are you with us? If you're still reading, we know you're the kind of person we're looking for. Like President Bush, you agree that personal privacy is overrated. Freedom is slavery. Civil liberties are civil constraints. Warrants are warrantless. Evildoers can run, but they can't buy Adidas sneakers in which to run. And, while the human being and fish can coexist peacefully, the human being and the evildoer cannot. That's why we need your help. With the NSA listening to virtually every American, we have a Mount Rushmore-sized mountain of data to sift through. We need volunteers to help download and analyze intercepts, and help us search for terrorist activity. "Listen in on the Fun!"™ It's so easy, you can start today! Click Here to Sign Up and Get Your Scanning Software Once you're approved by our vetting committee, we'll send you wiretaps of telephone conversations, or "intercepts" as we here at the NSA like to call them. Lots and lots of telephone conversations. Maybe conversations of people you know, maybe conversations of people you want to know, maybe even conversations of people talking about you! The possibilities for fun are endless, and if you're lucky, you might even be able to help Your Government prevent another 9/11. Don't have a pre-9/11 mentality when the very best people in our country have a post-9/11 mentality. Sign up today, and get started Scanning Evildoers' Telephone Intercepts. For God. For Country. For George Dubya Bush. Click Here to Sign Up and Get Your Scanning Software
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Are my "friends" and "family" candidates for scanning? If you can answer "yes" to one or more of the following questions, you betcha! Do my friends/family ever stammer, or get angry or excited when they talk about politics? Do my friends/family enjoy eating "falafel"? Do my friends/family watch "The West Wing" on NBC Sunday nights? Is my friend's/family member's hair longer than is "conventional"? Do my friends/family buy organic produce? Does my friend/family member have any music by Cat Stevens, Anthrax or Green Day on their iPod? Click here if you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, and we'll be happy to put your friends/family members on our "To Scan" list! |
The NSA SETI @ Home website is not real. It is not related in any way to the University of California at Berkeley's SETI @ Home program, nor to the actual National Security Agency/Central Security Service, nor to the White House, nor to any other actual government organization. Any resemblance to a real government organization is unintentional, and scary.
